Change of worlds

Hope, is what we all need. I am by no means an exception to this rule. We have to keep hope alive even in the toughest of times, so that we can live on in this demanding world. And yet, what is it that I hope for? What I hope for the most right now, is to have a purpose in life and to know what I really want to do and achieve with my life(cheh, very noble sounding sentence =,=). I have on all accounts, pushed thinking of this sort to the very back of my mind(being the fool that I sometimes am).. until now.

Ok ok, wait a sec. I know many people don't want to read about a crazy depressed teenager talking about dreams and hopes and well, depression, but stick with me here. After all, this is my first post.

Right now, I am living in one of the oldest matriculation colleges in Malaysia(actually probably the oldest one). The buildings here are not just old but also lacking in aesthetics, though I don't really mind the environment that much because the greenery here is quite beautiful and sort of calms my thoughts. Ah, now you know.. I am a Tree LOVER!(and yes, my favourite colour is green ^^) I love to look at grass, trees, bushes and meadows for they give me that sense of wonder. Plus, looking at nature, ironic as it may seem, does put a smile on my face.

I have been here for almost two months now- how time flies! I can still remember( and sometimes feel)how hard it was to be here for the first few weeks. I guess, every high school graduate feels the same way when they leave home for college. Missing home, missing friends and missing great food is the biggest problem most of us face(right?).Seriously though, its not as bad as I make it sound sometimes. I have learnt quite a bit about lots of things and truth be told, I guess this place could be good for me. Coming from 11 years of chinese-ed schools, I guess I haven't really come into contact with the real world until I came here. No regrets though. As a chinese, I am quite happy that at least I know how to speak the language of my ancestors. That's all thanks to my parents:)

On another note, I read an article in the papers the other day regarding the public services department's scholarships. Ah, the coveted jpa scholarships. The day the successful applicants were announced will probably be etched forever in my brain. Such emotions we feel when it comes to this issue. Honestly, I was quite disappointed in failing to obtain one,but what the heck, I don't even know what I want to study yet! It hurts though, when your friends and even strangers you've never talked to, take off and leave for something that seems impossibly, much better. Now I know, being left behind doesn't feel good at all. But at least, I've gotten over that now. All the best though and congrats though, to those who did get a jpa scholarship^^ Back to topic. The guy who wrote the article said that our education system is polarized and in serious need of reform. I absolutely agree. We need to do more to improve our education systems, and it needs to be done soon.

Studying in matriculation, I have made quite a few revelations. First of all, I now know its not as relaxed as people say it is. Matric is tiring! We have class from 8am to 4pm four days a week and 8am to 12pm on Friday. On top of that, the homework is literally never-ever-ending. We have tutorials and past year questions to do, not to mention quizes for every single chapter to study for. Honestly, just starting this blog makes me feel a tad bit guilty. But then, I thought about how much fun I would have and decided to ignore such feelings, at least, for now.

Reflecting on all that has happened to me in these past few months makes me wonder what I will have coming for me in the future. I miss Penang and my friends and home real bad. And don't forget, the gorgeous food! (Penang food is the best! XD) On the upside, I will be going home in just two weeks time after my mid-sem exams. Then again, the downside is obviously, that exams are less than two weeks away >.<

I want to write more but I can't. As people close to me know, I don't function well without sufficient sleep@.@ so toodles then and thanks very much, for reading my first post.